Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
