I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there was a trapeze. enough said
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize