East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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