He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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