Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
