i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
