Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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