sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
