just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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