And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
