It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
