You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
