i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize