I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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