Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
