dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
