We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize