It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize