After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
