I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
