Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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