): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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