I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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