dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
