She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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