I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
