he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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