I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
