the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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