Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
