I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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