Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize