Don't you send me to vm
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
