oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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