I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
