She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
A bitchslap is in order.
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