I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
