is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
