Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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