Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
