My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
