I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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