and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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