she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
