Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
