i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
