I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
