so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
