I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
