Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
