if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
