Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
