uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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