I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize