final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize