3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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