Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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