I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
