I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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