The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
