It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
