singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize