You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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