I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
