I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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