: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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