just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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