great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
