His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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