Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize